Rest in Peace Grandma Donna Haynes

Let me start with this...

It only took a few months for Donna to become like a Grandma to us. Sadly over time, the craziness of life swept away the moments we could have spent with her. So, I will reflect on the time we did spend with her and mourn that which we didn't.

That is what I came up with as I signed a sympathy card to Donna's real family. Someone, whenever I sign a card it usually isn't just my john hancock...instead it turns into a slight front page addition to an already creatively drawn up hallmark card. So, that is how I felt at the moment. You never think about how many people you may "neglect" to share your life with until that person is lost to you forever. Examples for me would be my Uncle Ed, cousin Nathan, Steven Van Kammen, and Donna Haynes. A couple times a year we would say to my Mom, "we need to go see Grandma Donna", but then again, crazy schedules took that time away. Even now that I'm an adult, I've thought of people I need to spend some time with, to catch up with, but time just moves too quickly away from me. So here I am, sitting alone at home, thinking of all the people I wish I could visit with, and tomorrow school classes and homework will take that thought away. It makes me think of my now-former friend Shannon, who last week emailed me to tell me how bad of a friend and person I've become. That I've neglected her, thought little of her, and down right held it against her that she had a child. Although my own beliefs beg to differ, I am reminded that I could've tried harder, I'm also reminded that friendship is a two way street, but it still comes down to the fact that I probably could've tried harder, even if time has caused us to grow apart, or differences in living has changed us to be total opposites, I could've made myself better, I could've tried harder. Hopefully someday, I will eventually learn that the people in my life can't continue to be "neglected"...I have to share some time with them.

Oh, what's new? Not much really...I completely missed out on enjoying Halloween, but I offered to run the store for Wicked Ranch, so I took it in stride. I am definitely glad that Wicked Ranch is over though. We'll see what happens in the near future, but for now that's all that's new to report.

My crazyness...

Well, I worked all summer...scooping ice cream and other Double JJ stuff...do you know how much your hand/wrist starts to hurt after scooping ice cream full time all summer? Now I'm down to just working weekends and the next few weeks will be at Wicked Ranch. I just hope we get busier...the last couple weekends haven't been busy enough for me. And of course I'm going to school too. I'm only taking two classes, Psychology and Juvenile Justice. So far I like my psychology class, my teacher is pretty entertaining...he's like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, except with ADHD. My Juvenile justice class is interesting, but all we do is take notes on the chapters we read. So as usual, with work, school, and homework, I'm keeping pretty busy. Hmm, what else is new...oh, my mom is working on finishing her bachelor's degree. Dad is still being an old grump. Rion is going to school and volunteering at Wicked Ranch, but other than that he's being his grumpy self. Amanda is still deciding whether she likes North Muskegon High School, although Kristina loves it and is doing well in school. China is still a big ball of attitude. We found out that Elvis has hip dysplasia when we took him to the vet because he sprained his leg (playing too rough with Trix). Trixie has had an attitude lately, partly because of brother not being able to play as hardcore as they like...so she's been picking fights here and there with all of us and has been antagonizing Elvis...she's crazy. And that's about it. Maybe more will come soon.

Wicked Ranch

Double JJ has GREAT new plans for Halloween! Check out the website for "Wicked Ranch". I'm super excited! Can't wait!

http://wickedranch.com/

Ok, so more about my wonderful trip to Texas & Oklahoma...

On Saturday I slept in, showered, and hung out by the pool for a couple hours...then after dinner, the Leyva's and I went to dance performance put on by RACE Dance Company. The performance was interesting...I enjoyed a few of the dances and now I would have to say that its opened my mind up to seeing stuff like that more often. After the performance the kids headed off with a friend, leaving Jen, Jason, & I to hang out...we went out to dinner & drinks with one of their very interesting friends, and I just enjoyed listening to him talk about performing, acting, etc. Afterwards (around midnight), we headed to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial...it was beautiful and there was something that made seeing at night so different...reverence maybe.





We hung out there for a few minutes, then drove around downtown OKC for a while...I got to see Bricktown and Jen & Jason pointed out some of their old hangouts and other places that meant different things to them. Finally we ended back up at Jen's Mom's...and what did we do...we went swimming...from about 1 until 3:30. It was so much fun just hanging out with Jen and Jason. And of course it wasnt easy waking up Sunday morning...but once I did Jen, her Mom, and I headed out to do some quick errands. After that we all had a quick lunch and said our goodbyes to Jen's Mom...she is such a sweetheart. Sunday afternoon and evening we hung out with Jen's Dad and family for a while...had a wonderful dinner at this great Mexican place, then headed out to head back to Fort Worth...I have to say OKC was pretty cool...and the scenery between OKC and Forth Worth is beautiful.

The last full day of my trip was probably one of the best...the kids had a Les Miserables camp, so Jen and I headed out for some shopping. We had a lot of fun, just hanging out, looking around...it was great. We shopped at the Old Stockyards, which was pretty interesting...they had "cattle drives" and other performers, including a guy with a whip.






After picking up Zach & Sadie, the four of us headed to the mall for some more shopping. Zach is at that age where if he doesnt want to do something you're making him do, he says, "you hate me"...after several "you hate me"'s and a promise not to say it anymore, I bought Zach a Monster...not the best idea...from then on anything you said would be followed by the comment, "your mom...". So I got punished for that one. At one point we went into one of those stores that has massage chairs, etc. So we took advantage...




Then we just caused a little more trouble...






After the mall, we ended our adventure at Walmart...where of course we caused trouble...again...




...geez, what a day...

What?! Vacation?!...I did take one. It was WONDERFUL! It was so nice to just get away from home, work, and the stress that comes with it. So I went to Texas to visit this wonderful family that I absolutely love and miss. It was so nice going to visit the Leyva's (a family I used to babysit for at Double JJ). My trip was great. I flew from Grand Rapids to Atlanta (and now I officially hate the Atlanta airport), then I flew to Dallas/Fort Worth. I was picked up by Jason and Zach and I was super happy to see them. Zach is 12 now and getting so tall. His voice is getting deeper too and he's already becoming more mature. The Levya's always have a crazy busy schedule, so as soon as I got there we were rushing back to Artisan Center Theatre (which is owned by a very nice Mormon family). Jason & Zach gave me a nice little tour of the Theatre, followed by an hour or so wait for "Oklahoma" to begin...starring Jason as Ali Hakim. When intermission came along, so did Jen and Sadie...Sadie's getting taller and more mature already too...but she's still as cuddly and sweet as before. It was so great meeting up with Jen and getting to talk for a while...I missed that family so, so much. After "Oklahoma", we headed back to the Leyva house, ate dinner, and hung out. We got to bed late, but I wouldn't have traded it for sleeping in my bed. The next day was started bright and early (noon) to eat and then pack up to head for Oklahoma City...

The drive to Oklahoma City was nice...Sadie was snuggled right up to me in the car and Zach was in his own little world...there were these beautiful rock cliffs on each side of the highway, but sadly I can't remember where exactly (somewhere on I-35). We drove past the town where Toby Keith grew up and little places that Jen & Jason had stories for...it was a great 3.5 hour drive. While driving through OKC, we passed where the bombing memorial is, the hospital where Zach was born, and more little places. We finally arrived to our destination with enough time to take a breather, grab a bite to eat, and then head out to see a hometown performance of "Annie". I did enjoy the play...the child performers did great, along with the former Miss Oklahoma (I believe) that played Grace Farrell...Daddy Warbucks on the other hand was not great...he kept calling Annie a he and couldn't sing that great either...but I can't be too harsh seeing as I wouldn't have wanted to be on that stage. After "Annie" we headed back to Jen's Mom's, watched a movie, and talked. It was really nice.

More about my great trip will be coming soon...

Wow! Its been forever since I last wrote and so much has happened in the past month...

Over the course of the month we've slowly been getting settled into the new house. Its kind of a rough task because the people that lived here before smoked, so we've had to wash all the walls and clean the floors several times, but its getting there. Everybody else seems to be settled into their bedrooms and the house is almost completely settled in...but then there's me...I've been crazy busy (working and I took a wonderful little vacation), so sadly I haven't been able to get my room to the way I usually like it...

Well, we're all moved. Now its just time for adding our personal touches to the house. So far Trixie and Elvis LOVE living in town. Its so cute because when Trixie hears a car or people, she'll run over to the screen door (at the front of the house), then stand there and watch whatever is going on outside. Her tail just wags while she watches the world go by. Today was real cute. I walked out the front door to leave for work. She automatically came to the door and watched me walk out to my car. Then, while I was climbing in to the car, she realized I was leaving and started crying...I felt like a Mom leaving her kids at home. She's also been sleeping with me lately and I love it because now I actually have someone to cuddle with. Last night I fell asleep with her asleep in my arms. She's so sweet...such a great dog. Now my baby is going to turn 1 this month...June 21st. I think we're actually going to make her a cake and buy her presents too...it really is like she's a kid. Definitely my baby...Sorry, I got a little sidetracked. Back to the house stuff. So now that we're living in town again Amanda and Kristina are taking the dogs for a walk at least once a day...which is not only good for the dogs, but good for them. If I wasn't in so much pain after work I would take them for a walk too. I'll definitely try to on my days off. So far we don't have air conditioning but we have Muskegon Lake a couple blocks away in one direction and another small "lake" a block away in the opposite direction...so we get a nice breezeway through the house. A couple down sides about living in this house are that I'm now 24 miles away from work instead of 12 and we only have one small bathroom for the six of us. But we'll get through. Actually the drive home from work isn't bad...Friday night was a beautiful night to drive home...it was cool outside, not real dark, and there was almost no cars on the road...I loved it. Hmm, what else? Oh, Amanda and Kristina are thinking about going to North Muskegon High School next year...I know Kristina definitely is and her reasons are simple...Amanda on the other hand, her reasons include the idea that going to a smaller school would make it look like she excels more with her grades, which would look better on a college application...She just amazes me. And last but not least, I leave for Texas next Thursday and I'm definitely excited. Other than that, not much is new.

Well, I'm going to attempt making this blog entry "stress and bad news free"...So here it is...

Thursday we found out that the people we were planning on renting from couldn't be out in time for us to move in by the beginning of June...so, we were up S*** creek without a paddle...but my Mom made a couple phone calls, we looked at a different house (2 houses down from the other), and we signed the lease. We're doing a month to month, so we're hoping that in a couple months we can purchase a house, move one more time, and have a permanent and perfect place to live.

Saturday I finally had to work. No more bumming around for me (my brother on the hand is still free for being lazy). Work was good and it was nice to be away from home for a little bit...but by the end of my shift, my feet and knees were KILLING me. I currently have huge spots of inflammation on both ankles and I just dumped half a bottle of Arnica Gel on both ankles and knees.

After work I ran home to change and then went over to my Aunt Sue's to hang out with them, my family, and my Aunt Diane. It was a lot of fun and I'm SO SO happy that we are talking to my Aunt Sue and seeing them on a regular basis...1) because its nice to have my Dad's family close by and 2) because its just so much fun getting together...we laugh almost constantly and just have a ball. All I can think of to say right now is "THANK GOD FOR FAMILY!"

So I'm going to end with that and head to bed...hopefully Trixie doesn't snore too loud and keep me awake.

Sabrina Nicole Levasseur, a 13-year-old girl I used to babysit, is missing. Please check out this article and pray for her safe return.

http://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/index.ssf/2010/05/search_continues_for_missing_1.html

Something More

Well, we finally rolled over and found a house to rent. Even though we hate the idea of renting for another year, I guess that's what we'll have to do, but you never know...maybe our landlords will let us do a month to month and in a few months we'll find a house and make it a home. That's all I can hope for. So for right now I'm going to go along with one of my favorite songs and just HOPE...

"There's gotta be something more, gotta be more than this, I need a little less hard time, I need a little more bliss, I'm gonna take my chances, taking a chance I might, find what I'm looking for, there's gotta be something more..."

AHH!!! Limbo is so exhausting and I'm not talking about the game, I'm talking about house limbo. I'm just SO tired of not knowing where I'll be living in 2 weeks. Plus its like my parents just can't make up their mind. I get so tired of hearing my Mom complain now that no one comes to visit us, so I don't want to move any farther then Whitehall, but my Mom continues to look at houses that go from N. Muskegon all the way to Rothbury. She also continues to look at houses with lots of stairs...what happened to the idea that my Dad, Mom, and I CAN'T do stairs...as it is my knee KILLS me. By the end of the night my knee hurts so bad that it hurts to go down stairs. For the time being I'm going to remind myself that my parents are crazy...I think that's about all I can say to explain it.

Frustration

The word for the week is frustration...but I guess we could also use stress, crap, or b.s. We were SO close to getting the house we wanted...I mean like within a couple minutes we lost the auction on the house. We were within about $1000 of winning our house. Now we have two weeks before we're supposed to be out of the house we're in and we haven't found a house to perfectly suit us. Every house we like already has an offer on it and its the opposite for the houses we don't. We keep going back and forth about getting this house way out on Skeels by Happy Mohawk and I just don't know. I'm not sure I want to get into that house for a couple reasons...it only has one bathroom and who knows when we'll have the money to add another. The same goes for rooms...I don't want to sound selfish, but I don't want to be in a bedroom smaller than I have now. The kitchen is small and would need completely new cabinets. And NOBODY would come visit us. But their are a couple good things...the garage is huge, so we could add another bedroom or two, its got 3 acres with a fenced in back yard, its quiet, and its right across the street from Manistee National Forest. Who knows what will happen...it could be a good thing or it could be the total opposite. I guess we'll find out.

Time

Where does time go when it has left us? Does it whither away and die when we aren't looking? Does it recycle itself and begin again? Does it shatter into a million pieces and touch the lives of those around us? Does it remain with us and like an antique clock, it waits to be revived or reinvented? Is time the tears of angels, sad that we are not in heaven, and when time returns to them, so do we? Is time the souls of the living, only attached to one person until they return to their Heavenly Father? What is time and where does it go when it has left us?

HALLELUJAH!

Ok, so for another hallelujah for this month I got an A- and two B's in my classes for Winter Semester...woohoo!

We need help with a couple more hallalujahs for the month...we're supposed to find out in a couple weeks whether my Dad gets his disability income or not, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray that he does, we definitely need that income. We also need to get into a new house. We did find out today that we are closer to getting into something and hopefully it will happen soon...I hate living in limbo. I'm sure everything will work out. But until then I guess limbo is my new hang out spot.

HALLELUJAH!!!

Ok, that's my first hallelujah for the month. It is brought to you by the letter S, for school, semester, and summer. WOOHOO!!! It's almost summer and I'm done with school for the semester. We'll see how many more hallelujahs I'll post this month. All I know is that April Showers bring May flowers and I'm hoping that doesn't just apply to rain and pretty plants. This month just HAS to be better than last month.

Here's something you might enjoy watching...



...what's funny is Trixie taught herself to stand up pretty. She such a goof.

What a week!

This week (and month) has definitely not been the greatest. This week was the hardest one I've had in a long time. Steven's funeral yesterday went well I think. It was so nice to see how many people loved Steven and came to support him and his family...and that was only the people that could make it.

Steven and I graduated together and were close senior year. I remember riding the bus with him to Tech almost everyday and we had so much fun. We always sat in rows next to each other, along with my friend Shannon, and a couple others, and we were always at the front talking with the driver. It was a fun year and I wouldn't trade that year for anything. Our class flower was the Gerbera Daisy and so before the funeral I went and purchased 20 Gerbera Daisies. I passed them out to our classmates, from our graduating class, and they gave them to Wendi after the funeral. I wanted it to be something special we did for Steven and his family, especially Wendi. Sadly, I wasn't able to go to Steven's burial because even though I worked on my exam until 5 in the morning, in hopes to get it done, it didn't get finished. So I gave my Mom one of the extra Gerbera Daisies and asked her to place it on Steven's casket at the burial...(and here's when I start crying)...she came home and told me that the flower I had given her, along with the others our classmates had given Wendi, were placed on Steven's casket, buried and sealed with him in the vault forever. It is something I will never, ever, forget.

So on to something not so sad...that exam I worked on until 5 in the morning...I just found out that I got 136 out of 140 on it...woohoo! A+!

Now I'm just hoping that May will be a better month for the Hanes family. So on the list of what we're hoping will be good news...will Dad get his disability? and will we get the house we want and need? Stay tuned.

Constellation: Steven Van Kammen

Constellation: Steven Van Kammen

Well...all I can say is that its been a rough couple of days. My very dear friend lost his battle with bone cancer. My heart is broken. I can't see a "Stand up to Cancer" commercial on tv without crying. I may not have been as close with him in the last few years like I would've liked, but I still loved him...everyday. The sad part is, he didn't know how much. When I say it, its not just that I love my friend...it was more than that...ever since high school...every time I saw him I thought about how I needed to tell him how I feel...including last Thursday. But I'm too quiet and I can't share my feelings openly...I'm better at writing my feelings down. It breaks my heart knowing this...sharing this. He was so young and one of the best guys I've ever met. One of the saddest parts about the whole thing is he never had the chance to get married or have kids. He would've been an excellent husband and father.....

My heart is broken.

What is it about my life this month that just stinks?! I am very thankful for the good things that have happened this month, but for a moment let me digress...so far this month my cousin Nathan died, my Dad ended up in the hospital because he had a TIA (kind of like a mini-stroke) and has a blocked artery in his neck, then my Mom and I have to take him back to the ER because he can't breath, yesterday morning one of our cats passed away and we're not quite sure what happened, I have way too much homework, and my knee has been killing me. Now I'll reflect on some of the good...Because my cousin died we are now back in touch with my Aunt Sue and her girlfriend Rita, along with my cousin Dana, her husband, and son. Its a lot of fun getting together with them...we just hang out, laugh a lot, and this last time Rion & Dad got out their guitars and we all sang and listened to music my Grandpa used to play/sing. I also am almost done with this semester at school...woohoo! So although this month has been pretty bad, I am still counting my blessings.

Wow, its been a long, crazy, emotional, exhausting couple of weeks and its not over yet...just survived 3 days of work and still have 3 more weeks of too much homework...it didn't take long for me to become an overdramatic, overemotional, drama queen...

Friday night after work, I came home and broke down in tears because of how much my body hurt...I hate complaining about my pain because there are people worse off then me, but I'm only human and so I can only handle so much...and we were (and are) well beyond my tolerance level for pain...it sucks coming home and having my whole ankle swollen and having painful spots of inflammation on my feet, knees, and hands.

Enough about that...lets go back to Sunday and Monday of last week. Sunday I began working on a memorial video for my cousin Nathan's funeral...I worked on it from I think 7pm on Sunday until 6am on Monday...but after hearing "Don't Fear the Reaper" 100 times, I finished the video, went to bed, and got back up at 9am to get ready for the funeral. Nathan's funeral was nice, but it was really hard. The hardest part was watching my Father cry because it just makes me fall apart. I didn't know my cousin as well as I would've liked so I think what hurts the most is thinking about the memories missed getting to know him, we've been up here for 7 1/2 years and I saw him ...once...once. Too much time as been missed and too much time has been lost.

And then we end up back at the work stuff...but I'll spare all the details. Here's a few pictures and Nathan's Memorial Video for you to see...I hope you enjoy.




Here's my Dad with his sisters Diane and Sue...its been a long time since they've been together...I mean a really long time...so I was very happy to catch a couple of good, happy photos.




And finally, Nathan's video...time well spent. RIP Nathan, we love and miss you.

Other than life, its going pretty good. Almost done with this semester at MCC and then I have like a week after that until I start at Michigan's Adventure...I'm hoping to fit some video games and TV catch-up into that week. Now, if it could just be June, I'd be happy.

Special Poem

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)

Its one of my absolute favorite poems. I want to dedicate it to my cousin, Nathan Ellis Visger, Jan 14, 1975 - Mar 31, 2010.

*Sigh*...What a week...

Well, this week hasn't been the definition of good...the week is finally winding down and I'm exhausted...

Today some family came over and I have to say I really enjoyed it. My Aunts, Diane and Sue, were here and it was real fun to listen to my Dad and them joke around, pick on each other, talk about picking on each other when they were younger, and talk about my Grandma. I miss my Grandma Hanes a lot, so I really, really enjoyed listening to them talk about her. Everybody talked about memories they had with Grandma, Uncle Ed, and cousin Nathan...It was a lot of fun. I'm really glad we all got together and hope we do it more often then every 5 years or so.

After all the fun at home I got to go to work. You can tell someone doesn't have a life when going to work is a welcomed break from homework. By the time the end of the night rolled around my back and legs were (and still are) KILLING me...I feel like I'm 80, no joke...I went to lay down on the floor, so Rion could pop my back, and I swear I probably looked like I was moving in slow motion. Just sitting here I have golf ball sized spots of inflammation on my feet and ankles. Oh well, just got to suck it up and deal.

Well, I'm going to head to bed...I'm sure I'll write again on Monday since I have my cousin Nathan's funeral that day...I'll need somewhere to vent.

Today...hmm...today, I found out my 35-year-old cousin, Nathan Visger, died. Its sad enough that he died, and died so young, but the circumstances for why...you can probably find the article on mlive.com...he was in a high-speed police chase when he lost control of his vehicle and hit a mobile home. He was thrown from the vehicle and pinned under it. He died on the operating table.

It brings back some really bad memories of my Uncle Ed's death. My Uncle Ed died in a motorcycle accident, going 70 coming onto the highway, he hit the back of a utility vehicle and died in the ambulance. He was 42...it was 10 days after my birthday and my Mom, sisters, and I were in Whitehall/Montague looking for houses so we could move up here from Lansing. We hadn't seen him in 2 years. We haven't seen my cousin Nathan in several years either. Its also sad that it takes something so tragic to get my Dad and his sisters all together. We live within a 30 minute drive from both his sisters and my cousins, but we haven't seen them in forever. We last saw my Aunt Sue probably 6 years ago, my Aunt Diane (with the exception of a "hi, how are you" at meijer), my cousin Beth we last saw at my Uncle Ed's funeral almost 8 years ago, and I can just keep going and going.

What upsets me even more is that I don't really have someone to call and talk to about how I'm feeling. I'm sad, lonely, and having a really bad week, and the only place I feel I can share my feelings is here. Its just sad...so kids, the word of the day is "sad".

Pain...

This weekend was pretty good...Saturday we got another Basset puppy and named him Elvis. He's adorable, funny, and smart. We just love him. Trixie is already pretty good with him, although she is a little green eyed monster...she's been a brat today, escaped out of the house (for the 1st time) and took off, she stole dog treats off the table, and she doesn't want to share her toys (her and Elvis played tug-of-war, it was so cute)...but other than that she likes to play with him.







I also worked Saturday, for the first time in a month, and it was nice. Its kind of depressing when I say that going to work was a nice break away from home and doing homework. Its only going to be the beginning of spring and then summer.

Other than that, I'm in pain and kind of feel blah, and I DON'T LIKE IT. I never like it when I hurt, but this kind of pain could have been prevented. I turned paperwork into my doctor almost 3 WEEKS AGO. I need her to fill it out for me to send to the prescription company so I can continue getting my Lyrica for free. 3 WEEKS AGO when I turned in my paperwork to her, I had 2 WEEKS left of my Lyrica, which was plenty had she returned my paperwork that week and I got it sent in. But NO, its 3 weeks later, I still don't have my paperwork filled out, and I'm OUT of Lyrica. So now, I'm in more pain than usual. I was sitting upstairs, watching TV, when all a sudden my knee feels like I was just rolled out of surgery...I HATE THAT...ok yes, thats been happening more lately anyways, but now my whole body hurts more...for example, my ankle is killing me, my back hurts, my neck hurts...EVERYTHING HURTS...I've learned to deal with my pain, and Lyrica makes it easier for me to do so, but without it I'm a mess...and I'm supposed to be working on homework, but I can't concentrate because of the pain. Its ridiculous...she better have that paperwork filled out this week, or she won't be happy with what I have to say to her. Here's to hoping for a better week and less pain.

So here's what's been going on in the lives of the crazy Hanes family...

Friday, May 19th, my Mom turned 50! but we didnt celebrate until Saturday. Reasons being, we had the Cancer Benefit Dinner for my friend Steven VanKammen. I am very happy to say that it went great. We had a good crowd that came and made some good money for Steven, but I'm glad its over. My Mom was working so hard on it and I must say that I am very thankful to have a wonderful mother like her.

Saturday we celebrated Mom's birthday by trying to surprise her with having my Uncle Steve, Aunt Gaylynn, cousin Alaina, and my younger cousins come up for dinner. It was a great dinner too...Dad made brisket (corned beef) and "heavenly potatoes. Aunt Gaylynn made a wonderful red cake and Alaina made a great cauliflower salad. It was really nice having them come up and visit. Its been a long time and I missed them a lot. Mom was happy to see them and cried when they left. All in all I think it was a good birthday dinner for her.

And last but not least, we're getting a basset hound puppy on Saturday. He'll be named Elvis and will be my Dad's dog. Hopefully he will help my Dad get some exercise. I know, you're probably reading this, thinking my family is crazy (as always) and yes we are. The thing is, when/if I move down to Lansing in a couple years, I'll be taking Salem and Trixie (and possibly China), so my parents want their own basset babies. Well we can't wait.

I think that's about all for now. I'm sure I'll be posting pictures of Elvis soon.

Well, this week has been a busy one...and its only going to get busier. Two things happen Friday...my Mom turns 50!!! and we have Steven VanKammen's Benefit Dinner.

Its been a long few weeks leading up to this Friday, so I REALLY hope we have a good turn out at the dinner. We've received donations from Coke, 7up, Pepsi, and Frito Lay (to name a few). We've also had really good luck getting donations for a Raffle we're doing to raise some more money for Steven, we've got stuff from Michigan's Adventure, Double JJ Resort, local businesses in Whitehall, North Muskegon, and Montague. Its so exciting that people are so generous, especially with the state the country is in right now. Again, I hope we have a good turn out and that we can definitely help Steven fight Cancer.

I'll write all about what happens at the end of the week. But until then, I ask that anyone reading this, PLEASE pray for Steven. He's a wonderful guy, great friend, and way too young to be defeated by Cancer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for him.

Thanks. Randa

New...

Ok, so whats new here...

Got my tax return and since I can't spoil myself the rest of the year, I did my annual spoiling and bought some toys. I got an XBox 360, IPod, etc. I also bought a ticket to Texas for June and I CAN'T WAIT.

My Mom and I have been working with some friends on getting Steven Van Kammen's Benefit dinner together. I'm happy to say that things are starting to work to our advantage. Good news...Coca Cola and 7UP donated pop for the dinner, Frito Lay is probably going to be donating chips, we've already got an anonymous donation for Steven, and people are working very hard on more details. Thank you to everyone doing so.

Other than that, I'm trying to hold on to my crazy life with both hands. It isn't always easy...more of it isnt...but I'm working through it. Stuff like school, homework, jobs, family...I can deal with...now they just need a cure for Fibromyalgia and I'll be a much happier person.

Life...so lonely on this side of town

I can't believe I'm only a few weeks into the semester and I already have way too much homework. Its taking up all my time. I never see friends anymore. So far in 2010, I've hung out with a couple friends once each. Its depressing. I'm depressed. I get so tired of loneliness. Tired of pain, PMS, family troubles, grumpiness...should I continue. Right now, one of my biggest problems is that I don't have health insurance, and because of that, I can't take care of myself in the way I would like. I need counseling, someone to talk to, someone that's not bias to my situation. Someone that can tell me in no certain terms, that I take on too much. Too much school, too many bills, too much stress, anxiety, anguish, loneliness. Sometimes, its just all too much. I wish things were easier. Sometimes I wish I could just grab my stuff and run. Run away from my stress and anxiety. But for some reason, I hold myself back. Stop myself from freaking out once in a while. Stop myself from saying, "I've had ENOUGH!" Why is it so hard for me? Why can't I find someone to talk to that understands me? Understands that I just need someone to listen? I need to be able to cry on someone's shoulder every once in a while...right? Why do I always have to be the shoulder to cry on? Why can't I tell people how I feel? If I could, I would shout it from the rooftops. I would shout out that I just need someone to love and to love me back. I need compassion, love, hope, and happiness. I need someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything will be ok. Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask to be happy? Why do I bottle everything up for so long? At least right now, when I say I'm depressed, I can also say that tomorrow, I'll wake up, and put on my happy face. I can tell you that I'll put my smile on autopilot and I'll look happy, content. Will the next 40+ years of my life be a smile on autopilot? Or will I find happiness along the way? Right now I feel like I'm Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, but I'm stuck in that creepy little forest, the video is skipping, repeating the same scene over and over, and I'm waiting for someone to help fix it, someone to save me from the forest. When will happiness come?

It seems I have a hard time coming up with new stuff to talk about on here. So as usual I'll try my best to bring new and possibly exciting information...

Well, so far school is boring. Out of four class times for History, only one was interesting. English is extremely boring and I've only had Math once so far. We'll see how this semester goes...but so far so boring.

My sisters, Mom, and I went to Iowa last weekend. We were there from Friday until Monday. It was really nice just hanging out and relaxing. Saturday and Sunday the family celebrated my Grandma's 75th birthday. Grandma didn't know that my sisters, Mom, and I were coming, so she was really surprised and happy to see us. It was a wonderful feeling seeing my Grandma so happy. I'm really thankful that my Aunt Karen, Uncle Kevin, and cousin Jenna let us stay with them and that they let us bring Trixie. The drive there was great...I drove most of the way. The trip back, on the other hand, was stressful. Reasons being, 1) All of the semi's driving on the highway through Illinois, 2) Trixie puked in the car on the way home (she gets car sick...so we puppy drugged her both ways), 3) My mom got us lost twice...in Michigan. All in all, it was a really nice weekend.

Not much else to say.

Not much has happened in the last couple weeks. Today I started the Winter Semester with Math and English. Tomorrow I'll start my History class and I'm sure I'll enjoy it. Hopefully the rest of the semester won't be as boring as today.

Hmmm, what else is new?...

My Dad started taking a mood stabilizer a couple weeks ago and it was working great. He actually sat down and watched a movie with the rest of the family. We watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" (great movie by the way) and he enjoyed it. He hasn't watched a movie with us in forever, let alone enjoyed one. But sadly, the mood stabilizer raised his blood pressure, so he had to be taken off it. Now he's back to being the grumpy old man with temper tantrums like a 5 year old. I hope things change soon. Plus, Rion is being his usual self...a jerk...but there are times he's nice, like when he filled up the tires on my Jeep or cleaned off the Jeep so I could head somewhere...but we're always taking one step forward and two steps back. Its really hard for me to want to try to find a guy to settle down with when I have two shining examples of what I don't really want in a husband. There are times I think it would be so much easier to just have a couple kids and not worry about the husband part...but I know that I wouldn't truly be happy living that way. Hopefully it will get better.

I officially feel like I have kids...I have China, Trixie, and Salem. For example, today I bought Trixie a toy duck (exactly like her last duck, which she tore apart, but is her favorite toy). When I gave it to her, she was the happiest little girl ever, but her big sister China wanted to know where her toy was...so I had to promise to get her one...and if you've ever met my pets, China is very intelligent and is great at holding grudges...like giving me a hard time about not taking her for a walk. But she's my baby and she knows I'll hold to my promises. China loves having a little sister too...those two are now almost inseparable. Trixie is surprisingly intelligent...like potty training in a day. She also taught herself to stand up pretty and dance backwards...she's great at it too. Amanda & I are always chasing her down to get things out of her mouth...she's like a toddler. She's always learning...she'll watch how we interact with China or the cats, like if we give them our plate after we finish our food...but for a 6 month old spoiled brat, she's a pretty good dog. Salem is actually pretty good about the two girls...he lets China sleep on the bed with him & I, but has to be on the opposite side of the bed. I guess its good that he's ok with them...seeing as now all three of them are coming to Lansing with me in a couple years. So as you can see, it seems like I have kids...and I feel like I do.

I guess that's about all that' new for now. I'll write more soon.

Welcome to 2010

Welcome to 2010!!! Wow, its been quite a year...

We had 17 puppies, I started college at MCC, we had some legal issues with Rion, I worked my 6th Season at Michigan's Adventure, Double JJ reopened under new management and I started working there again, we got rid of the last 3 or 17 puppies, we adopted my beautiful puppy Trixie, Rion moved back in,...

I just finished working my holiday hours at Double JJ and may not be working there again until April or May, but no worries, I have school to keep me busy.

Well, we'll see what happens in 2010. My New Year's Resolution is to keep thinking positive and looking to what my future can hold.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!