oh yesterday...what a bad day

So yesterday almost started like any other day, except Rion moved back in over a week ago, and instead I awoke to screaming...

Most people that know my family know that my brother Rion is Bipolar, has ADHD, and some other personality disorders. Since he moved back in, everyone has been on edge and walking on eggshells. My parents have been working on remodeling the rest of the basement into a new bedroom for them and so everyone is helping in some way to get it all done. When Rion moved back in he was told he had to join the effort, but as I knew it would happen, he decided that he wanted to continue to be lazy. After several days of arguing with him about it, my Dad (still in serious pain since his fall) finally gave in and set that if Rion is just going to be lazy, he can find somewhere else to do it. A big fight broke out and ended in my brother trying to steal my Mom's cell phone and threatening my parents with a knife. Of course, as I have every time this happens, I called 911 and spoke with emergency about the situation. And all this happened before noon. My brother was arrested and charged with felonious assault and domestice violence, and is not allowed to come home or contact us until the courts' say so. So we'll see where it goes from here.

Now, sadly, my Mom feels like she's floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to contact anyone for help. She is also fearful that she will again be personally blamed for all the problems my brother has. She is sad and lonely because the family (who scolds her for not going to church, a church where Family is taught to be key) barely ever contact us, come visit us, or invite us to go visit them. How can they scold my Mother and family for not attending church? We know we should and we've planned on it, but sometimes life becomes stressful and discouraging, and we are swerved off the path that Heavenly Father wants us on, but that doesn't mean we don't believe in the Gospel and the principles that God has given us to live by. I know that going to church is about keeping the Sabbath and following God's plan, but it's hard for me to want to get up and go to church every Sunday when I go pick up my sisters on Wednesdays and few people will talk to me, if even look at me. I know why, its because I'm not active, because I have fallen from grace, and because I have tattoos. But people must remember not to judge a book by its cover. What matters is the person's heart and soul, not what they look like. We all make mistakes and have weaknesses, and I know that Satan preys on that, but I have come to notice that for me personally, I am more vulnerable when I don't have people close. Its hard for me to walk into the church building with the knowledge that the people I have come to know, some that I regard as friends, judge me for not going to church and for having tattoos. How can they do that? Aren't Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ the only two that should judge anyone? And if Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can forgive me, why can't the people that know who I really am, the people that go to church actively, who pray to Heavenly Father for forgiveness, forgive a good person with weaknesses and small failures? How can they teach they're children about forgiveness, when they can't even practice it? I'M NOT A DIFFERENT PERSON, I'M NOT PERFECT, I BELIEVE IN GOD AND THE CHURCH THAT HE HAD CREATED FOR US, I HAVE MADE MISTAKES AND HAVE ASKED GOD FOR FORGIVENESS FOR THEM, BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK THE EVERYDAY PEOPLE THAT I LOVE.

I'm sorry to anyone I offend because of this...but I need to vent somehow and I sometimes feel like I have nobody to talk to. I'm only writing how I truly feel.