Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Life...
So life has been pretty good lately, but a new chain events has caused my life to go back to being stressful and unfair. Rion is a pain in the butt and continues to screw up his own life. But it can't just be left at "he screws up his own life". No...he has to make mine stressful and unfair as well. He majorly screwed up again by selling his ADHD meds for marijuana & other illegal substances, let too many bad people into his apartment, got a death threat, and now has to bring it all back to my house. HE HAD TO MOVE BACK IN!!! Its just not fair! I help with bills constantly and he moves back in and probably thinks he can get away with not getting a job. IT'S RIDICULOUS!!! How is that fair?! I'm tired of being the good one. I'm tired of helping with bills all the time. I want to have some freedom. Now its back to locked doors and constant stress. I was happy. Don't get my wrong...I love my brother...but that doesn't mean I have to like him. Oh and great idea! He gets a death threat so you move him back home, where those people somehow are always able to find. What about us? I don't want him to get killed by some lowlife felon that can't get his act together, but who's to say he doesn't find out where we live and come hurt more than just Rion. I know my Mom has to think about all this stuff and that she is extremely stressed about everything, but come on...if we just keep enabling him he's never going to learn. Somehow I have the feeling that Rion is going to be a stoned, unemployed loser for the rest of his life and he's going to make the rest of my family's lives miserable. All I can say is that I'm done...I'm tired of having to help all the time while my brother sits on his butt playing video games, smoking pot, and eating everything in sight. I'm tired of lending my Mom $20 here and her lending Rion $10 there. To top it all off he asked her for minutes for his cell phone...and he doesn't even realize that the bill for my Dad's phone, that he's been texting on all evening, is in MY name and is paid BY ME almost every month. He doesn't realize that the TV he'll be sitting in front of constantly instead of looking for a job, is in MY name, and that the cable providing his entertainment is in MY name and paid for BY ME almost completely every month. I don't think he realizes, or cares, how much I have to help. Not that I'm trying to make myself look great or anything, because I'm not, but I would just like my brother to realize it. I want him to walk a mile in my shoes and learn to treat me with more respect. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!
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Oh boy. I'm really sorry that this is all going on Randa. I know you feel sick of being the responsible one, but just think about it. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE! You are smart enough to know what it takes to be a decent human being in this world. You are a strong person. You are always going to be able to take care of yourself later.
ReplyDeleteYes, you help your family right now and just think how grateful your parents must feel for you. They are struggling with one kid, but they must realize and appreciate that you are an amazingly smart and independent person. Soon, you will be done with school and be able to get out there on your own. You won't have to support them financially any more (unless you want to of course) and you will be able to get on with your own life. When parents have to ask their kids for financial help, it must be hard. You are receiving HUGE blessings for helping them. And you should be proud that you are stable enough to actually DO that for them.
It will get better eventually. It has to.
As for the death threats? Yeah, that can be scary. I hope nothing happens. I'll say some prayers. It sounds like Rion needs some more therapy. Did he quit doing that? He isn't making good choices that's for sure. But I can't judge how your parents handle it because I'm certainly not standing in their shoes. I'm sure they are sad and frustrated. I wish they would come back to church. It's harder to have the spirit leave when surrounded by it all the time. That's why I spend several times each week doing church things. Just to surround myself with what I know to be true and give me strength.
Anyway, I've babbled enough. Hang in there. I'll say prayers for all of you. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know ;)