Loneliness in Excess

Life has been so crazy lately that I feel lonely in crowded room...I can be surrounded by people but I still feel all alone. It's such a sad, depressing feeling for me. This is definitely not the worst I've ever felt about life, but I still feel slightly dead inside. I'm so busy that I can't spend time with friends that make me happy and the friends that I want to spend the most time with are so busy that they don't have time to spend with me...its like a vicious, lonely cycle. The good news is that, in the last couple years, I haven't been depressed to the point of causing myself pain and I don't ever want to feel that way again. The one thing I can always rely on during times like this, is playing music where the lyrics say exactly how I feel, I turn the music up, sit in my room with candles lit, and relax until I feel a little better. And now that its warmer outside again, I have my other fall back I can count on, and that is to wait til about midnight when its dark and cool, put on my headphones, turn on that same music, and walk a couple miles, just me and my dog China, in our own little, but wide open, world. I wish I could do that right now, but sadly the rain has put a damper on my stress reliever.

So I guess I'll stick with "Plan A" and play that sad, lonely music that ironically makes me feel better...I just wish I had someone to talk to...


"...I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut, My weakness is that I care too much, And my scars remind me that the past is real, I tear my heart open just to feel..." (Scars by Papa Roach)

"...I'm not dead, just floating. Underneath the ink of my tattoo, I've tried to hide the scars from you...I'm not dead, just floating. I'm not scared, just changing. You're my crack of sunlight..." (I'm Not Dead by Pink)