uh, life...

Wow, been a while since I've been able to sit and write...so here is an update...

I am doing ok. I am currently a 23 year old college student that works part time, is bankrupt, and trying to get my life together...I've decided that I need to make some major changes in many aspects of my life...financially, physically, emotionally, etc.

So to start, I started working out in May and by the end of June I had lost 5 inches in the waist and hips...YAY! I continued working out until mid August and have currently been too busy with work and helping out around the house to have the motivation to go...but I WILL START AGAIN SOON! Physically since I've started working out, I stopped taking my Tylenol 3 and cut down on the Flexiril and Naproxen I was taking. I have felt pretty great, my back stopped hurting, my knees didn't hurt, I had more energy and was sleeping better...sadly that all stopped when I stopped working out. But no worries, I KNOW how to change that. Right now I'm having a problem with my left foot and I'm trying to get that figured out. And I found out I have a blood clot in my left leg...apparently "its nothing to worry about." Yeah, really reassuring.

Financially, well...I filed bankrupty in July and had my Fed court appt in August...so now I'm just waiting for that to be discharged...that whole thing put a huge chunk of stress on my shoulders, but it has pretty much gone away. I did interview at the Secretary of State in Muskegon and now I'm just waiting to hear back whether I got the job...otherwise, I'm still working at Double JJ part time.

Emotionally, I've been a roller coaster for the last few months...I had a falling out with my brother, he said some really rotten, cruel things to me and so I haven't spoken more than an occasional sentence to him since. It is a lot less stressful not dealing with him and I can use the least amount of stress I can get. I also had a falling out with his girlfriend, now "fiance", and that whole thing has just urked me. I've decided/discovered that somehow my brother brings out the absolute worst, most hateful, vengeful person in me and I hate that! So the best possible thing I've come up with to do about it is walk away...as I'm currently learning in my oral communications class, communication isn't always the best solution. Hopefully someday things will be different with him...maybe a while after he's moved to Idaho and isn't causing so much stress.

Hmm, what else...I've applied to Ferris State and I'm waiting to be accepted. I have the option to work on my Bachelor's in Criminal Justice through Ferris at MCC. So once I start that will be great! I'm so excited!!! I also have another kid...his name is Scout, he is a basset hound husky mix...a Siberian Basset Husky :)...and he is my absolute sweetheart. I love him to death!



I also got a new tattoo...I know, I'm bad...but I can't help myself, its like a personal outlet...and this one is extra special, its a celtic Raven design dedicated to my Mom and sisters.


Well, that's about it...hopefully I'll be able to write again soon.

A glimpse at 2011 so far...

Wow, I can't believe its already March 2011...that's crazy! It feels like only a couple weeks ago we were ringing in the New Year. I haven't blogged since November, so here's a glimpse of 2011 to this point...

I've been keeping plenty busy with school and work...school 4 days a week and work the other 2-3 days a week...all I can say is that I'm already getting a bit tired. In January, the house we were renting went up for sheriff's sale, so we didn't know when they would show up and say we had to move...made life quite stressful. In February, we found a new house to rent...woohoo! The old house had 2-3 bedrooms, 1 tiny bathroom, and a basement...the new house is much bigger. It has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, a family room, and a basement. So, the very end of February and beginning of March we moved in. I'm a little disappointed that we moved on my Spring Break because I didn't get to enjoy it AT ALL, but we're moved, so the stress level has gone down a little. The week before we moved, my Mom got a call from the State of MI regarding a background check and drug test for a job she wanted at Muskegon DHS...well, on the day we moved in she found out she got the job and she starts the 21st...woohoo! I'm so excited for my Mom. She definitely deserves to be working somewhere where she'll get a better income and insurance. So, after 8 long years, my Mom is no longer managing Whitehall Apartments...crazy huh?!

Rest in Peace Grandma Donna Haynes

Let me start with this...

It only took a few months for Donna to become like a Grandma to us. Sadly over time, the craziness of life swept away the moments we could have spent with her. So, I will reflect on the time we did spend with her and mourn that which we didn't.

That is what I came up with as I signed a sympathy card to Donna's real family. Someone, whenever I sign a card it usually isn't just my john hancock...instead it turns into a slight front page addition to an already creatively drawn up hallmark card. So, that is how I felt at the moment. You never think about how many people you may "neglect" to share your life with until that person is lost to you forever. Examples for me would be my Uncle Ed, cousin Nathan, Steven Van Kammen, and Donna Haynes. A couple times a year we would say to my Mom, "we need to go see Grandma Donna", but then again, crazy schedules took that time away. Even now that I'm an adult, I've thought of people I need to spend some time with, to catch up with, but time just moves too quickly away from me. So here I am, sitting alone at home, thinking of all the people I wish I could visit with, and tomorrow school classes and homework will take that thought away. It makes me think of my now-former friend Shannon, who last week emailed me to tell me how bad of a friend and person I've become. That I've neglected her, thought little of her, and down right held it against her that she had a child. Although my own beliefs beg to differ, I am reminded that I could've tried harder, I'm also reminded that friendship is a two way street, but it still comes down to the fact that I probably could've tried harder, even if time has caused us to grow apart, or differences in living has changed us to be total opposites, I could've made myself better, I could've tried harder. Hopefully someday, I will eventually learn that the people in my life can't continue to be "neglected"...I have to share some time with them.

Oh, what's new? Not much really...I completely missed out on enjoying Halloween, but I offered to run the store for Wicked Ranch, so I took it in stride. I am definitely glad that Wicked Ranch is over though. We'll see what happens in the near future, but for now that's all that's new to report.

My crazyness...

Well, I worked all summer...scooping ice cream and other Double JJ stuff...do you know how much your hand/wrist starts to hurt after scooping ice cream full time all summer? Now I'm down to just working weekends and the next few weeks will be at Wicked Ranch. I just hope we get busier...the last couple weekends haven't been busy enough for me. And of course I'm going to school too. I'm only taking two classes, Psychology and Juvenile Justice. So far I like my psychology class, my teacher is pretty entertaining...he's like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, except with ADHD. My Juvenile justice class is interesting, but all we do is take notes on the chapters we read. So as usual, with work, school, and homework, I'm keeping pretty busy. Hmm, what else is new...oh, my mom is working on finishing her bachelor's degree. Dad is still being an old grump. Rion is going to school and volunteering at Wicked Ranch, but other than that he's being his grumpy self. Amanda is still deciding whether she likes North Muskegon High School, although Kristina loves it and is doing well in school. China is still a big ball of attitude. We found out that Elvis has hip dysplasia when we took him to the vet because he sprained his leg (playing too rough with Trix). Trixie has had an attitude lately, partly because of brother not being able to play as hardcore as they like...so she's been picking fights here and there with all of us and has been antagonizing Elvis...she's crazy. And that's about it. Maybe more will come soon.

Wicked Ranch

Double JJ has GREAT new plans for Halloween! Check out the website for "Wicked Ranch". I'm super excited! Can't wait!

http://wickedranch.com/

Ok, so more about my wonderful trip to Texas & Oklahoma...

On Saturday I slept in, showered, and hung out by the pool for a couple hours...then after dinner, the Leyva's and I went to dance performance put on by RACE Dance Company. The performance was interesting...I enjoyed a few of the dances and now I would have to say that its opened my mind up to seeing stuff like that more often. After the performance the kids headed off with a friend, leaving Jen, Jason, & I to hang out...we went out to dinner & drinks with one of their very interesting friends, and I just enjoyed listening to him talk about performing, acting, etc. Afterwards (around midnight), we headed to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial...it was beautiful and there was something that made seeing at night so different...reverence maybe.





We hung out there for a few minutes, then drove around downtown OKC for a while...I got to see Bricktown and Jen & Jason pointed out some of their old hangouts and other places that meant different things to them. Finally we ended back up at Jen's Mom's...and what did we do...we went swimming...from about 1 until 3:30. It was so much fun just hanging out with Jen and Jason. And of course it wasnt easy waking up Sunday morning...but once I did Jen, her Mom, and I headed out to do some quick errands. After that we all had a quick lunch and said our goodbyes to Jen's Mom...she is such a sweetheart. Sunday afternoon and evening we hung out with Jen's Dad and family for a while...had a wonderful dinner at this great Mexican place, then headed out to head back to Fort Worth...I have to say OKC was pretty cool...and the scenery between OKC and Forth Worth is beautiful.

The last full day of my trip was probably one of the best...the kids had a Les Miserables camp, so Jen and I headed out for some shopping. We had a lot of fun, just hanging out, looking around...it was great. We shopped at the Old Stockyards, which was pretty interesting...they had "cattle drives" and other performers, including a guy with a whip.






After picking up Zach & Sadie, the four of us headed to the mall for some more shopping. Zach is at that age where if he doesnt want to do something you're making him do, he says, "you hate me"...after several "you hate me"'s and a promise not to say it anymore, I bought Zach a Monster...not the best idea...from then on anything you said would be followed by the comment, "your mom...". So I got punished for that one. At one point we went into one of those stores that has massage chairs, etc. So we took advantage...




Then we just caused a little more trouble...






After the mall, we ended our adventure at Walmart...where of course we caused trouble...again...




...geez, what a day...

What?! Vacation?!...I did take one. It was WONDERFUL! It was so nice to just get away from home, work, and the stress that comes with it. So I went to Texas to visit this wonderful family that I absolutely love and miss. It was so nice going to visit the Leyva's (a family I used to babysit for at Double JJ). My trip was great. I flew from Grand Rapids to Atlanta (and now I officially hate the Atlanta airport), then I flew to Dallas/Fort Worth. I was picked up by Jason and Zach and I was super happy to see them. Zach is 12 now and getting so tall. His voice is getting deeper too and he's already becoming more mature. The Levya's always have a crazy busy schedule, so as soon as I got there we were rushing back to Artisan Center Theatre (which is owned by a very nice Mormon family). Jason & Zach gave me a nice little tour of the Theatre, followed by an hour or so wait for "Oklahoma" to begin...starring Jason as Ali Hakim. When intermission came along, so did Jen and Sadie...Sadie's getting taller and more mature already too...but she's still as cuddly and sweet as before. It was so great meeting up with Jen and getting to talk for a while...I missed that family so, so much. After "Oklahoma", we headed back to the Leyva house, ate dinner, and hung out. We got to bed late, but I wouldn't have traded it for sleeping in my bed. The next day was started bright and early (noon) to eat and then pack up to head for Oklahoma City...

The drive to Oklahoma City was nice...Sadie was snuggled right up to me in the car and Zach was in his own little world...there were these beautiful rock cliffs on each side of the highway, but sadly I can't remember where exactly (somewhere on I-35). We drove past the town where Toby Keith grew up and little places that Jen & Jason had stories for...it was a great 3.5 hour drive. While driving through OKC, we passed where the bombing memorial is, the hospital where Zach was born, and more little places. We finally arrived to our destination with enough time to take a breather, grab a bite to eat, and then head out to see a hometown performance of "Annie". I did enjoy the play...the child performers did great, along with the former Miss Oklahoma (I believe) that played Grace Farrell...Daddy Warbucks on the other hand was not great...he kept calling Annie a he and couldn't sing that great either...but I can't be too harsh seeing as I wouldn't have wanted to be on that stage. After "Annie" we headed back to Jen's Mom's, watched a movie, and talked. It was really nice.

More about my great trip will be coming soon...

Wow! Its been forever since I last wrote and so much has happened in the past month...

Over the course of the month we've slowly been getting settled into the new house. Its kind of a rough task because the people that lived here before smoked, so we've had to wash all the walls and clean the floors several times, but its getting there. Everybody else seems to be settled into their bedrooms and the house is almost completely settled in...but then there's me...I've been crazy busy (working and I took a wonderful little vacation), so sadly I haven't been able to get my room to the way I usually like it...

Well, we're all moved. Now its just time for adding our personal touches to the house. So far Trixie and Elvis LOVE living in town. Its so cute because when Trixie hears a car or people, she'll run over to the screen door (at the front of the house), then stand there and watch whatever is going on outside. Her tail just wags while she watches the world go by. Today was real cute. I walked out the front door to leave for work. She automatically came to the door and watched me walk out to my car. Then, while I was climbing in to the car, she realized I was leaving and started crying...I felt like a Mom leaving her kids at home. She's also been sleeping with me lately and I love it because now I actually have someone to cuddle with. Last night I fell asleep with her asleep in my arms. She's so sweet...such a great dog. Now my baby is going to turn 1 this month...June 21st. I think we're actually going to make her a cake and buy her presents too...it really is like she's a kid. Definitely my baby...Sorry, I got a little sidetracked. Back to the house stuff. So now that we're living in town again Amanda and Kristina are taking the dogs for a walk at least once a day...which is not only good for the dogs, but good for them. If I wasn't in so much pain after work I would take them for a walk too. I'll definitely try to on my days off. So far we don't have air conditioning but we have Muskegon Lake a couple blocks away in one direction and another small "lake" a block away in the opposite direction...so we get a nice breezeway through the house. A couple down sides about living in this house are that I'm now 24 miles away from work instead of 12 and we only have one small bathroom for the six of us. But we'll get through. Actually the drive home from work isn't bad...Friday night was a beautiful night to drive home...it was cool outside, not real dark, and there was almost no cars on the road...I loved it. Hmm, what else? Oh, Amanda and Kristina are thinking about going to North Muskegon High School next year...I know Kristina definitely is and her reasons are simple...Amanda on the other hand, her reasons include the idea that going to a smaller school would make it look like she excels more with her grades, which would look better on a college application...She just amazes me. And last but not least, I leave for Texas next Thursday and I'm definitely excited. Other than that, not much is new.

Well, I'm going to attempt making this blog entry "stress and bad news free"...So here it is...

Thursday we found out that the people we were planning on renting from couldn't be out in time for us to move in by the beginning of June...so, we were up S*** creek without a paddle...but my Mom made a couple phone calls, we looked at a different house (2 houses down from the other), and we signed the lease. We're doing a month to month, so we're hoping that in a couple months we can purchase a house, move one more time, and have a permanent and perfect place to live.

Saturday I finally had to work. No more bumming around for me (my brother on the hand is still free for being lazy). Work was good and it was nice to be away from home for a little bit...but by the end of my shift, my feet and knees were KILLING me. I currently have huge spots of inflammation on both ankles and I just dumped half a bottle of Arnica Gel on both ankles and knees.

After work I ran home to change and then went over to my Aunt Sue's to hang out with them, my family, and my Aunt Diane. It was a lot of fun and I'm SO SO happy that we are talking to my Aunt Sue and seeing them on a regular basis...1) because its nice to have my Dad's family close by and 2) because its just so much fun getting together...we laugh almost constantly and just have a ball. All I can think of to say right now is "THANK GOD FOR FAMILY!"

So I'm going to end with that and head to bed...hopefully Trixie doesn't snore too loud and keep me awake.

Sabrina Nicole Levasseur, a 13-year-old girl I used to babysit, is missing. Please check out this article and pray for her safe return.

http://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/index.ssf/2010/05/search_continues_for_missing_1.html

Something More

Well, we finally rolled over and found a house to rent. Even though we hate the idea of renting for another year, I guess that's what we'll have to do, but you never know...maybe our landlords will let us do a month to month and in a few months we'll find a house and make it a home. That's all I can hope for. So for right now I'm going to go along with one of my favorite songs and just HOPE...

"There's gotta be something more, gotta be more than this, I need a little less hard time, I need a little more bliss, I'm gonna take my chances, taking a chance I might, find what I'm looking for, there's gotta be something more..."

AHH!!! Limbo is so exhausting and I'm not talking about the game, I'm talking about house limbo. I'm just SO tired of not knowing where I'll be living in 2 weeks. Plus its like my parents just can't make up their mind. I get so tired of hearing my Mom complain now that no one comes to visit us, so I don't want to move any farther then Whitehall, but my Mom continues to look at houses that go from N. Muskegon all the way to Rothbury. She also continues to look at houses with lots of stairs...what happened to the idea that my Dad, Mom, and I CAN'T do stairs...as it is my knee KILLS me. By the end of the night my knee hurts so bad that it hurts to go down stairs. For the time being I'm going to remind myself that my parents are crazy...I think that's about all I can say to explain it.

Frustration

The word for the week is frustration...but I guess we could also use stress, crap, or b.s. We were SO close to getting the house we wanted...I mean like within a couple minutes we lost the auction on the house. We were within about $1000 of winning our house. Now we have two weeks before we're supposed to be out of the house we're in and we haven't found a house to perfectly suit us. Every house we like already has an offer on it and its the opposite for the houses we don't. We keep going back and forth about getting this house way out on Skeels by Happy Mohawk and I just don't know. I'm not sure I want to get into that house for a couple reasons...it only has one bathroom and who knows when we'll have the money to add another. The same goes for rooms...I don't want to sound selfish, but I don't want to be in a bedroom smaller than I have now. The kitchen is small and would need completely new cabinets. And NOBODY would come visit us. But their are a couple good things...the garage is huge, so we could add another bedroom or two, its got 3 acres with a fenced in back yard, its quiet, and its right across the street from Manistee National Forest. Who knows what will happen...it could be a good thing or it could be the total opposite. I guess we'll find out.

Time

Where does time go when it has left us? Does it whither away and die when we aren't looking? Does it recycle itself and begin again? Does it shatter into a million pieces and touch the lives of those around us? Does it remain with us and like an antique clock, it waits to be revived or reinvented? Is time the tears of angels, sad that we are not in heaven, and when time returns to them, so do we? Is time the souls of the living, only attached to one person until they return to their Heavenly Father? What is time and where does it go when it has left us?

HALLELUJAH!

Ok, so for another hallelujah for this month I got an A- and two B's in my classes for Winter Semester...woohoo!

We need help with a couple more hallalujahs for the month...we're supposed to find out in a couple weeks whether my Dad gets his disability income or not, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray that he does, we definitely need that income. We also need to get into a new house. We did find out today that we are closer to getting into something and hopefully it will happen soon...I hate living in limbo. I'm sure everything will work out. But until then I guess limbo is my new hang out spot.

HALLELUJAH!!!

Ok, that's my first hallelujah for the month. It is brought to you by the letter S, for school, semester, and summer. WOOHOO!!! It's almost summer and I'm done with school for the semester. We'll see how many more hallelujahs I'll post this month. All I know is that April Showers bring May flowers and I'm hoping that doesn't just apply to rain and pretty plants. This month just HAS to be better than last month.

Here's something you might enjoy watching...



...what's funny is Trixie taught herself to stand up pretty. She such a goof.